alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
