you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
