Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
