oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
