She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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