Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
