marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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