Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
