Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
