I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Still dying that you shit outside
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
