and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
