When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
