Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
