Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
