and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
