You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
