you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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