i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
