That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
