she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
