They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
