Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
