I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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