imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
