I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
