I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
