I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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