so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
