I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
