I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
