please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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