I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
