I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
