Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
