Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
