she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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