Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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