I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
