I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
