It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
