saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
