I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
