do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
