Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
