Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he tried to convert me to islam
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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