why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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