She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
