I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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