Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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