just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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