No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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