Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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