i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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