Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
