I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
