I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
