and i looked up. we had an audience...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
