She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
