mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
