Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
