what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
