Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
