that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
