My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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