I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize