i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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