ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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