Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
