I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
