i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
