I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
