I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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