So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
