i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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