Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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