ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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