i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
